Sunday, November 10, 2013
Christmas in Syracuse doesn't seem to be the
same anymore
I feel like a part of me is missing.
It feels like a whole team just got taken away from our city
A team that people would love so much
no matter how many times we lost
Nowadays it just seems like all
they care is about the statistics
Ever since the new team made the
Calder Cup Finals last year
Win that game or else we'll
all be disappointed
It seems like we don't even care
about the players as people
Like we used to
They try their best
to make us proud
But ever since last June
All they care about is
making sure we're the
best in the league
What happened to being
thankful that we even had
a team in Syracuse?
A team with one of the
worst records in the league
One of the most lovable teams
of the Syracuse hockey era
Only because they
had the biggest hearts.
l.k.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
I'm A Survivor, In More Ways Than You Know
Hey guys.
Guess who's back in school!
After a year of homeschooling, I am now back in a physical school. Let me just say, thank goodness. I couldn't stand another year of homeschooling.
Now let me just touch up on some topics for those of you who don't know why I was homeschooled, and why homeschooling isn't all it resembles.
Long story short, I was homeschooled because of anxiety. Social anxiety. I literally could not go to school, it was that bad. I'm obviously not over-exaggerating either, because why would I be homeschooled if I could go to school?
It was partially my decision to be homeschooled but mostly a doctor's and my school district's. No, I didn't get taught by my Mom or Dad, I got taught by three tutors who came to my house from the district. One was a tutor for Science, and the science tutor was actually supposed to be my real teacher in school if I went to actual school. Another one was for Spanish, and finally one for every other subject. It seemed to help my anxiety because I was homeschooled, but in reality, it didn't. I'll explain why it didn't later.
Being on homebound instruction (that's just what they called it. It's not homebound like I have to stay home no matter what I do, it's just their word for homeschooling) was honestly awful. It was hard to keep up with work that my classes were doing in school, and my grades dropped tremendously (but I still passed) because of that.
Every year in the state of New York, we have to take state produced tests in order to completely graduate high school. Let me just say, homeschooling and state produced tests DON'T mix well.
I ideally needed to pass all my tests obviously, but I REALLY needed to pass my Earth Science test, that one is more crucial than the others. And I barely did. That was because the tutor (it has to be a different tutor giving you the test) NEVER SHOWED UP TO GIVE ME THE TEST. I had to take the test the same time everyone else did, as per NYS rules, which meant I had less time to take it because I had to run to the school I should've been in and take it just about an hour after the test started. Not to mention I had an ongoing anxiety attack sitting in that classroom at the last minute. I passed with a 65.
Commonly asked questions by people who ask me about homeschooling:
Q: When and what time did you go to school?
A: I went to 'school' four days a week. Mondays I would have Spanish from 4-6pm. Wednesdays I would have Science at the same time. Tuesdays and Thursdays I had tutoring for all other subjects from 5-7 pm. When I first started with tutoring, though, I had it five days a week, Spanish and Science at the same time, but the main tutoring 9-11 am. It was kinda like going to college.
Q: How did you get your schoolwork?
A: My tutors would stop by the school and pick it up for me. My teachers who I should've had if I was in the actual school would usually put together a packet with work inside, with a homebound form on the front.
Q: Where did you work when your tutors came?
A: My kitchen at the dining room table.
Q: Did homebound help your anxiety?
A: I thought it was, but now that I look back, it didn't. If I had gone to an actual school, it would've been better, because then I would've been able to fight my anxiety instead of hiding away from it. It actually made it quite worse.
So now I'm back in an actual school, and everything is going well, except for one thing. Global class.
Don't get me wrong, my teacher is an amazing teacher, he's actually my favorite teacher. But, take what I just said into perspective. I didn't really get taught in social studies last year. No lessons, no nothing. I just was handed worksheets and I didn't learn from them. Understandable how I would've gotten a better education sitting in a classroom, but still. Now this year on a lot of my tests, my teacher includes topics from last year, because 60% of things from last year are going to be on this year's state-produced global test. So, I'm basically set up to fail. Every time I walk into the class now I get anxiety. So I have to figure that out sooner or later, because I need to pass this course.
Oh well.
Lauren
Guess who's back in school!
After a year of homeschooling, I am now back in a physical school. Let me just say, thank goodness. I couldn't stand another year of homeschooling.
Now let me just touch up on some topics for those of you who don't know why I was homeschooled, and why homeschooling isn't all it resembles.
Long story short, I was homeschooled because of anxiety. Social anxiety. I literally could not go to school, it was that bad. I'm obviously not over-exaggerating either, because why would I be homeschooled if I could go to school?
It was partially my decision to be homeschooled but mostly a doctor's and my school district's. No, I didn't get taught by my Mom or Dad, I got taught by three tutors who came to my house from the district. One was a tutor for Science, and the science tutor was actually supposed to be my real teacher in school if I went to actual school. Another one was for Spanish, and finally one for every other subject. It seemed to help my anxiety because I was homeschooled, but in reality, it didn't. I'll explain why it didn't later.
Being on homebound instruction (that's just what they called it. It's not homebound like I have to stay home no matter what I do, it's just their word for homeschooling) was honestly awful. It was hard to keep up with work that my classes were doing in school, and my grades dropped tremendously (but I still passed) because of that.
Every year in the state of New York, we have to take state produced tests in order to completely graduate high school. Let me just say, homeschooling and state produced tests DON'T mix well.
I ideally needed to pass all my tests obviously, but I REALLY needed to pass my Earth Science test, that one is more crucial than the others. And I barely did. That was because the tutor (it has to be a different tutor giving you the test) NEVER SHOWED UP TO GIVE ME THE TEST. I had to take the test the same time everyone else did, as per NYS rules, which meant I had less time to take it because I had to run to the school I should've been in and take it just about an hour after the test started. Not to mention I had an ongoing anxiety attack sitting in that classroom at the last minute. I passed with a 65.
Commonly asked questions by people who ask me about homeschooling:
Q: When and what time did you go to school?
A: I went to 'school' four days a week. Mondays I would have Spanish from 4-6pm. Wednesdays I would have Science at the same time. Tuesdays and Thursdays I had tutoring for all other subjects from 5-7 pm. When I first started with tutoring, though, I had it five days a week, Spanish and Science at the same time, but the main tutoring 9-11 am. It was kinda like going to college.
Q: How did you get your schoolwork?
A: My tutors would stop by the school and pick it up for me. My teachers who I should've had if I was in the actual school would usually put together a packet with work inside, with a homebound form on the front.
Q: Where did you work when your tutors came?
A: My kitchen at the dining room table.
Q: Did homebound help your anxiety?
A: I thought it was, but now that I look back, it didn't. If I had gone to an actual school, it would've been better, because then I would've been able to fight my anxiety instead of hiding away from it. It actually made it quite worse.
So now I'm back in an actual school, and everything is going well, except for one thing. Global class.
Don't get me wrong, my teacher is an amazing teacher, he's actually my favorite teacher. But, take what I just said into perspective. I didn't really get taught in social studies last year. No lessons, no nothing. I just was handed worksheets and I didn't learn from them. Understandable how I would've gotten a better education sitting in a classroom, but still. Now this year on a lot of my tests, my teacher includes topics from last year, because 60% of things from last year are going to be on this year's state-produced global test. So, I'm basically set up to fail. Every time I walk into the class now I get anxiety. So I have to figure that out sooner or later, because I need to pass this course.
Oh well.
Lauren
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Lauren Hates the Offseason: WHAT'S AN ARBITRATION RIGHT?!
I watched the NHL draft, did you?
I don't want this whole blog post to be about the draft because there are so many other bloggers who typed about the draft and it's a little too late anyways but I liked and disliked it at the same time. Some prospects got picked up on appropriate teams and some didn't, or at least in my opinion.
This is gonna be a very quick, not detailed, opinionated blog post.
Anyways, I hate the offseason. I think every hockey fan does because, well, there's no HOCKEY. And there's also signings and free agents and restricted free agents oh my.
Vinny Lecavilier to the Flyers: what the actual...
I don't know. I don't think that was a good decision but everyone has a right to their opinion...
Grabovski got bought out by the Leafs, and Briere and Bryzgalov get bought out by the Flyers. Good.
Now let's talk about the AHL for a second:
According to boltprospects.com's 2012-2013 Final/Supplemental Ratings, Jonathan Drouin is the #1 ranked prospect for the Tampa Bay Lightning. This team was just recently recognized for it's organizational depth. I guess drafting good, young players does pay off.
What surprised me (not being bias, you'll understand why this surprised me as I explain) was that defenceman Mark Barberio was ranked at 14. Just two years ago, 21 year old Barberio was the AHL's best defenceman. Boltprospects.com says, and I quote, "there's much reason to question whether Barberio will make it in the NHL."
Every time I reread that sentence it honestly makes me so stressed out. More stressed out every freaking time. What the heck happened? He had great numbers in the post season, but they also say his point totals plummeted by 19 points and his +/- plummeted by 21 points" in the regular season.
I don't want this whole blog post to be about the draft because there are so many other bloggers who typed about the draft and it's a little too late anyways but I liked and disliked it at the same time. Some prospects got picked up on appropriate teams and some didn't, or at least in my opinion.
This is gonna be a very quick, not detailed, opinionated blog post.
Anyways, I hate the offseason. I think every hockey fan does because, well, there's no HOCKEY. And there's also signings and free agents and restricted free agents oh my.
Vinny Lecavilier to the Flyers: what the actual...
I don't know. I don't think that was a good decision but everyone has a right to their opinion...
Grabovski got bought out by the Leafs, and Briere and Bryzgalov get bought out by the Flyers. Good.
Now let's talk about the AHL for a second:
According to boltprospects.com's 2012-2013 Final/Supplemental Ratings, Jonathan Drouin is the #1 ranked prospect for the Tampa Bay Lightning. This team was just recently recognized for it's organizational depth. I guess drafting good, young players does pay off.
What surprised me (not being bias, you'll understand why this surprised me as I explain) was that defenceman Mark Barberio was ranked at 14. Just two years ago, 21 year old Barberio was the AHL's best defenceman. Boltprospects.com says, and I quote, "there's much reason to question whether Barberio will make it in the NHL."
Every time I reread that sentence it honestly makes me so stressed out. More stressed out every freaking time. What the heck happened? He had great numbers in the post season, but they also say his point totals plummeted by 19 points and his +/- plummeted by 21 points" in the regular season.
I HAVE NO CLUE HOW I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT THIS SEASON TO BE HONEST. AND THERE'S NO WAY THEY'RE LYING BUT I'M JUST HONESTLY SHOCKED. WHAT HAPPENED THOUGH. BARBERIO. WHAT. HAPPENED. ?!
Sorry. I don't know. I'm just shocked.
Next subject before I get more upset: Bears place qualifying offer on Deschamps.
Remember him? Nicolas? Deschamps? Former Marlies left wing?
According to capgeek.com's qualifying offer calculator, it is said that the qualifying offer is for $726,000.
Also, the Washington Post (I think, I'm not sure) said Deschamps has arbitration rights.
Call me stupid but I have never heard of arbitration rights. So, guess who googled it because no one else no what it was. ME.
I figured out what it was here. It's a tool to settle contract disputes. Yay.
Call me crazy and I know this is out of nowhere, but I have this strange feeling that Deschamps will go to Europe to play hockey.
Alright, I'm done. I'm still waiting for Mark Barberio to re-sign his contract but you know I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT THAT AND I'M DYING.
Peace out girl scouts.
~Lauren
Thursday, June 20, 2013
The Ups and Downs of an Emotional Week
Hey guys.
I should be at the hockey arena right now for game 7.
Lately I've been extremely busy, I just finished up my freshman year in high school, took my first ever state produced test, and I've been going to way too many hockey games.
Now, you're probably saying, "Way too many?"
Yes.
I went when I should've studied for exams and it was a mistake. I went to the Calder Cup Semifinals and the finals and it was an emotional ride.
I'm a Crunch fan. I'm a Marlies fan. For all the people saying "Oh you hate the Marlies now," you're really pissing me off. A lot. First off, I love my Marlies unconditionally and would never forget about them. Second of all, I'm from Syracuse, so I can't support my hometown? And you guys were technically telling me to support the Griffins, the team that knocked out the Marlies in the first round? Good Lord, think before you speak. Who says I can't be a fan of more than one team? Get a grip.
Sorry for that rant, though. I had to get that off my chest. Anyways, I recently went to a finals game the other day. It was the game that Syracuse had to win in order to fight off elimination. It was probably the most nerveracking, amazing, awful officiated, heartbreaking game I've been too.
The game was great but a lot of fans, including me, went home brokenhearted but proud.
Syracuse Crunch defenceman Mark Barberio. I'm a fan. If you follow me on Twitter, you know he's one of my favorite players on the team. He gets elbowed, or whatever you'd like to call it, in the gut. He's bent over on the ice, and I'm literally about to have an emotional breakdown. I was so nervous we were about to lose one of the most powerful players on the team, and right now wasn't the best time. He went over to the bench, might've thrown up (it looked like he was, but I'm still unsure if he threw up or was just bent over in pain). Luckily, he didn't go to the locker room, which was a good sign. He continued to play after a minute or so.
Griffins hooked at least four Crunch players and didn't get a penalty. I also noticed, as did my father, that a lot of penalties that the Griffins should've taken were given to the Crunch. Now that's ridiculous.
Crunch had the lead for awhile, but then it was given up, and the Griffins go on to win the Calder Cup 5-2. Along with at least 6,000 other fans, I wasn't happy. I was standing right behind of the Griffins celebration. The crowd started a chant, "Let's Go Crunch," so the Crunch knew that even though we were absolutely devastated this team just won the Cup, we still were so proud of them for going this far in the playoffs. It was a landmark season in Syracuse hockey. Some say it was even the best season Syracuse has ever had.
I look over at the Crunch. They salute their fans, (which they didn't have to do so thank you Crunch, that was really nice of you guys), and I notice their faces. Sadness, expected, but there was one person I noticed instantly.
Barberio.
I met him a few weeks back, having him sign a puck that almost knocked me out (it was hit into the stands during a playoff game, went right by my face). He's literally one of the nicest guys I've ever met, and I'm not over-exaggerating. It was so mobbed when I met him that I wasn't expecting to get a picture with him, but he was like "Of course we can get a picture" and so enthusiastic about it, I mean, come on, that's just showing class right there. If you don't believe me then you can go look up news articles where he's done interviews, talked to fans, etc., and people will say he's a super nice guy. And it's the truth.
He was crying. I never thought I'd see a hockey player cry, but then I realize, they're humans, they have feelings. That man freaking fought through getting elbowed and then throwing up (like I said, it's not a definite that he did but it seems like he did) but still played on. This man tried so hard for the Cup. He tried to win it for the second consecutive time. Yes. He was part of the Calder Cup winning Norfolk Admirals last year. Long story short, the Admirals came to Syracuse because the Tampa Bay organization moved to Syracuse. I'd be like that too if I came so close to winning the Cup for the second year in a row.
His crying was contagious. I felt tears roll down my face, not tears of disappointment, but tears of sympathy for the team. I felt so bad for them. I looked at the Griffins, and I realized that this was reality, this wasn't a horrible nightmare (even though it technically was). I think a few fans, including me, got caught up in all the hype of having the Calder Cup finals return to Syracuse and didn't even think the Crunch had a chance in losing. I blame myself. I continued to cry for the rest of the night, and the image of Barberio crying will never get out of my head.
The next day I woke up with a massive headache. I felt like I was suffering from a hangover (no guys, I didn't drink, I'm underage), and I felt like a walking piece of shit. Then, to make things worse, I saw this tweet:
I should be at the hockey arena right now for game 7.
Lately I've been extremely busy, I just finished up my freshman year in high school, took my first ever state produced test, and I've been going to way too many hockey games.
Now, you're probably saying, "Way too many?"
Yes.
I went when I should've studied for exams and it was a mistake. I went to the Calder Cup Semifinals and the finals and it was an emotional ride.
I'm a Crunch fan. I'm a Marlies fan. For all the people saying "Oh you hate the Marlies now," you're really pissing me off. A lot. First off, I love my Marlies unconditionally and would never forget about them. Second of all, I'm from Syracuse, so I can't support my hometown? And you guys were technically telling me to support the Griffins, the team that knocked out the Marlies in the first round? Good Lord, think before you speak. Who says I can't be a fan of more than one team? Get a grip.
Sorry for that rant, though. I had to get that off my chest. Anyways, I recently went to a finals game the other day. It was the game that Syracuse had to win in order to fight off elimination. It was probably the most nerveracking, amazing, awful officiated, heartbreaking game I've been too.
The game was great but a lot of fans, including me, went home brokenhearted but proud.
Syracuse Crunch defenceman Mark Barberio. I'm a fan. If you follow me on Twitter, you know he's one of my favorite players on the team. He gets elbowed, or whatever you'd like to call it, in the gut. He's bent over on the ice, and I'm literally about to have an emotional breakdown. I was so nervous we were about to lose one of the most powerful players on the team, and right now wasn't the best time. He went over to the bench, might've thrown up (it looked like he was, but I'm still unsure if he threw up or was just bent over in pain). Luckily, he didn't go to the locker room, which was a good sign. He continued to play after a minute or so.
Griffins hooked at least four Crunch players and didn't get a penalty. I also noticed, as did my father, that a lot of penalties that the Griffins should've taken were given to the Crunch. Now that's ridiculous.
Crunch had the lead for awhile, but then it was given up, and the Griffins go on to win the Calder Cup 5-2. Along with at least 6,000 other fans, I wasn't happy. I was standing right behind of the Griffins celebration. The crowd started a chant, "Let's Go Crunch," so the Crunch knew that even though we were absolutely devastated this team just won the Cup, we still were so proud of them for going this far in the playoffs. It was a landmark season in Syracuse hockey. Some say it was even the best season Syracuse has ever had.
I look over at the Crunch. They salute their fans, (which they didn't have to do so thank you Crunch, that was really nice of you guys), and I notice their faces. Sadness, expected, but there was one person I noticed instantly.
Barberio.
I met him a few weeks back, having him sign a puck that almost knocked me out (it was hit into the stands during a playoff game, went right by my face). He's literally one of the nicest guys I've ever met, and I'm not over-exaggerating. It was so mobbed when I met him that I wasn't expecting to get a picture with him, but he was like "Of course we can get a picture" and so enthusiastic about it, I mean, come on, that's just showing class right there. If you don't believe me then you can go look up news articles where he's done interviews, talked to fans, etc., and people will say he's a super nice guy. And it's the truth.
He was crying. I never thought I'd see a hockey player cry, but then I realize, they're humans, they have feelings. That man freaking fought through getting elbowed and then throwing up (like I said, it's not a definite that he did but it seems like he did) but still played on. This man tried so hard for the Cup. He tried to win it for the second consecutive time. Yes. He was part of the Calder Cup winning Norfolk Admirals last year. Long story short, the Admirals came to Syracuse because the Tampa Bay organization moved to Syracuse. I'd be like that too if I came so close to winning the Cup for the second year in a row.
His crying was contagious. I felt tears roll down my face, not tears of disappointment, but tears of sympathy for the team. I felt so bad for them. I looked at the Griffins, and I realized that this was reality, this wasn't a horrible nightmare (even though it technically was). I think a few fans, including me, got caught up in all the hype of having the Calder Cup finals return to Syracuse and didn't even think the Crunch had a chance in losing. I blame myself. I continued to cry for the rest of the night, and the image of Barberio crying will never get out of my head.
The next day I woke up with a massive headache. I felt like I was suffering from a hangover (no guys, I didn't drink, I'm underage), and I felt like a walking piece of shit. Then, to make things worse, I saw this tweet:
I saw that tweet and just climbed right back into bed, sobbing. I felt so freaking bad. I just wanted it all to stop.
And right now, my feelings and I are currently recuperating.
I'm so proud of the Syracuse Crunch, thanks for an amazing season full of amazingness, if that made sense. See you guys next season, and lower your season ticket prices. ;)
~Lauren
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
On a Serious Note...
Hey guys.
So, today I want to talk about something that's a really serious topic and shouldn't be taken lightly. I wanted to post this on Instagram but the caption would be way too long and wouldn't fit.
If you guys follow me on Instagram, you probably notice I post a lot of quotes that have to do with staying strong, and I also post a lot of things about the organization 'To Write Love On Her Arms'.
I post those pictures for one main reason: to help people.
I want to help people who are going through the similar things I did. I went through depression (clinical, not self-diagnosed), anxiety, and I was almost diagnosed with an eating disorder, and it came from the depression and anxiety.
Despite that last sentence, I'm not looking for sympathy. I tell people that I went through those things so they know that they're not alone. That I know what they went through. I know the pain, the loneliness, the feeling of where you want to give up, I know everything that they're going through. It's the most awful feeling in the world.
A subtopic I would like to bring up in this blog post is self harm. People self harm because it helps take the pain away. Temporarily. Yes, temporarily. The most common question I get is if I ever self-harmed, and I'd like to answer the question right now for all of you.
No.
Did I ever think about self injury? Yes. I did a few times. It was only because I wanted the pain of everything to away, but luckily before I did inflict the self pain on myself, I realized that it would only take the pain away temporarily, like I recently stated. It took a lot of a courage not to pick up something to slice my skin with, but I fought through it, and you can, too.
If you're reading this paragraph and you think self-harm is the answer, it's most certainly not. I will tell you, and in no means am I trying to scare you, but self-harm will most likely leave permanent scars. And an example of why you don't want permanent scars:
Mom/Dad, what are those scars on your arm?
Even if you don't want kids now, imagine what it'll be like if you end up having kids. Now, if you suffer from depression, you're probably saying "I won't make it to be a parent," well, just keep reading.
If you self-harm already, I'm not going to tell you to stop. I know just saying "Stop" won't do anything, so I'm going to tell you this: Please, please, please, get help and/or talk to someone. I know you hear this from others that give you advice, but I can't stress it enough. Even if you don't self-harm, talking/seeking help is the best medicine, and talking/seeking help could save your life. Just by telling someone "I thought about suicide" or "I've been seriously depressed lately," odds are they will seek help and they will help you, also. Sounds overly-dramatic, but I'm not kidding. Just by speaking up, my life was potentially saved.
If you're considering suicide, I know how you're feeling. You think no one cares, and you think the world would be better off without you. I promise you one person out there cares, and that's me. Even if you're reading this and you don't know me, I still care. You were put on this Earth for a reason, and you have so much to live for. Sounds crazy, right? Believe it or not, it's absolutely true. You're unique in your own way. And you probably hear the phrase "Stay strong" multiple times. It honestly one of the most motivational phrases, even though it seems like it means nothing. So, when people tell you to stay strong, it's a great piece of advice. It also shows they care.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 (in the US), and seek help immediately.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, contact 911 or your local emergency services, and seek help immediately.
Your life is precious and wasn't meant to be ended due to depression.
Another thing I'd like to bring up quickly is that in the end, you will come out stronger. You will also find that certain people will stand out, stand out meaning that they made an impact and they pretty much helped save you life, and they helped you during the hardest time in your life. You will notice them, and you will appreciate them so much for the support. Right now, I'd like to take this time to dedicate everyone who helped me through the hardest time in my life, because I don't think I've ever done this:
So, today I want to talk about something that's a really serious topic and shouldn't be taken lightly. I wanted to post this on Instagram but the caption would be way too long and wouldn't fit.
If you guys follow me on Instagram, you probably notice I post a lot of quotes that have to do with staying strong, and I also post a lot of things about the organization 'To Write Love On Her Arms'.
I post those pictures for one main reason: to help people.
I want to help people who are going through the similar things I did. I went through depression (clinical, not self-diagnosed), anxiety, and I was almost diagnosed with an eating disorder, and it came from the depression and anxiety.
Despite that last sentence, I'm not looking for sympathy. I tell people that I went through those things so they know that they're not alone. That I know what they went through. I know the pain, the loneliness, the feeling of where you want to give up, I know everything that they're going through. It's the most awful feeling in the world.
A subtopic I would like to bring up in this blog post is self harm. People self harm because it helps take the pain away. Temporarily. Yes, temporarily. The most common question I get is if I ever self-harmed, and I'd like to answer the question right now for all of you.
No.
Did I ever think about self injury? Yes. I did a few times. It was only because I wanted the pain of everything to away, but luckily before I did inflict the self pain on myself, I realized that it would only take the pain away temporarily, like I recently stated. It took a lot of a courage not to pick up something to slice my skin with, but I fought through it, and you can, too.
If you're reading this paragraph and you think self-harm is the answer, it's most certainly not. I will tell you, and in no means am I trying to scare you, but self-harm will most likely leave permanent scars. And an example of why you don't want permanent scars:
Mom/Dad, what are those scars on your arm?
Even if you don't want kids now, imagine what it'll be like if you end up having kids. Now, if you suffer from depression, you're probably saying "I won't make it to be a parent," well, just keep reading.
If you self-harm already, I'm not going to tell you to stop. I know just saying "Stop" won't do anything, so I'm going to tell you this: Please, please, please, get help and/or talk to someone. I know you hear this from others that give you advice, but I can't stress it enough. Even if you don't self-harm, talking/seeking help is the best medicine, and talking/seeking help could save your life. Just by telling someone "I thought about suicide" or "I've been seriously depressed lately," odds are they will seek help and they will help you, also. Sounds overly-dramatic, but I'm not kidding. Just by speaking up, my life was potentially saved.
If you're considering suicide, I know how you're feeling. You think no one cares, and you think the world would be better off without you. I promise you one person out there cares, and that's me. Even if you're reading this and you don't know me, I still care. You were put on this Earth for a reason, and you have so much to live for. Sounds crazy, right? Believe it or not, it's absolutely true. You're unique in your own way. And you probably hear the phrase "Stay strong" multiple times. It honestly one of the most motivational phrases, even though it seems like it means nothing. So, when people tell you to stay strong, it's a great piece of advice. It also shows they care.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 (in the US), and seek help immediately.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, contact 911 or your local emergency services, and seek help immediately.
Your life is precious and wasn't meant to be ended due to depression.
Another thing I'd like to bring up quickly is that in the end, you will come out stronger. You will also find that certain people will stand out, stand out meaning that they made an impact and they pretty much helped save you life, and they helped you during the hardest time in your life. You will notice them, and you will appreciate them so much for the support. Right now, I'd like to take this time to dedicate everyone who helped me through the hardest time in my life, because I don't think I've ever done this:
- My loving family, first and foremost.
- My best friends who have always have stuck by my side
- Jimmy Fallon, who I started watching on television when my depression started, and will always be my role model, and my hero
- Outasight, who's music helped me through everything
- Nicolas Deschamps, who will forever be my second role model, no matter what team he plays for in the AHL or NHL
- The FalPals on Twitter, especially Emily Kivi, who talked to me throughout everything the one night I was seriously considering suicide (and the rest of the FalPals are pretty darn amazing, I didn't forget about you guys).
- The Toronto Marlies Family, you guys know who you are, I love you guys so much, you guys always brightened up my day no matter how bad the day was (and you guys still do).
I just wanted to make that quick dedication, sorry. I've never made a dedication before, and all those people deserve it. But in the end, like I said, you will find that certain people make an impact on your life while you go through all of the things you are going through. They're like, heroes, basically. You can have one or you can have many, everyone is different.
In conclusion, you deserve to be here. Stay strong. Please. Just stay strong. Things can only get better, and you can get through this. It might not seem like you can, but you can and you will.
And remember: if you don't think anyone cares, I do.
-Lauren K.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
An Assortment of Hockey Questions
1) Favorite hockey team: NHL: Maple Leafs AHL: Marlies
2) Least Favorite Hoceky Team: Habs and Flyers. Forever hating them.
3) Favorite Player: AHL: Nicolas Deschamps (BECAUSE IT WASN'T OBVIOUS) NHL: Joffrey Lupul
4) Least Favorite Player: CLAUDE GIROUX BYE
5) If I were stranded on a island with a player who would it be and why?: Jerry D'Amigo. I really don't know why but I feel like he's just a good answer for this question.
6) If I could spend the rest of my life being best friends with any player who would it be and why?: Jesse Blacker. He seems rad.
7) You're able to meet any player you want for a day and could do whatever what's the first thing you would do? and what's the last thing you would do?: I'd wanna go to a hockey game with a hockey player. I've always wanted to do that. The last thing I do would be that. Just go to a hockey game with a hockey player. It just seems lovely.
8) What player would you want to tweet you and why?: Can I answer Jerry D'Amigo again? His tweets are so witty and sarcastic that I'd love a witty and sarcastic tweet from the guy himself.
9) Favorite number on a player: 16.
10) Favorite Brothers? Staal brothers.
11) Favorite Hockey Movie?: Miracle.
12) Favorite thing about hockey? Everything.
13) First NHL game?: New York Rangers vs. Philadelphia Flyers, November 2008.
14) First AHL game?: I can't exactly remember. I was about five or six, but it was a Syracuse Crunch game.
15) If you could become a season ticket holder for one-five teams who would it be and why?: Does that mean I can choose up to five teams? Guess so. Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Marlies (these only apply if I move to Toronto), Syracuse Crunch, and Hershey Bears. Why not.
16) Who do you think would be the first player on tumblr?: GREG SCOTT IS TUMBLR MATERIAL. PLEASE GREG. JOIN TUMBLR. FOR HOCKEY'S SAKE.
17) Favorite Bromance?: The short lived D'Amigo-Deschamps bromance. Nerry ftw.
18) Favorite coach?: Dallas Eakins.
19) Favorite Nickname?: Disco Desch.
20) What's one thing you hate about watching a game?: Some networks broadcast games with a really crappy quality. No. No. No. Lauren does not like that.
21) What's thing you love?: When it's a really good quality broadcast in HD, it's like you're practically at the game.
22) If you could meet, become best friends with, interview, or hug any player, who would it be?: You guys know I'm gonna say Nicolas Deschamps. I also wouldn't mind meeting/becoming best friends with/interviewing/hugging Mark Barberio.
23) If you could meet one of your favorite players or team what would be the first thing you tell them?: I'd cry and be all like "I love you guys!"
24) Favorite Retired Player?: Doug Gilmour.
25) Favorite Rookie?: Stu Percy
26) How did you get started with hockey?: Grew up watching it, grew up with my dad being a hockey fan (NYR), and I've loved the game ever since.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Hello Playoffs!
LEAFS
ARE
GOING
TO
THE
PLAYOFFS
FIRST TIME SINCE 2004, BABY!
Ah, it's amazing being a Leafs fan. Leafs Nation has been waiting a good nine years and now we're in the playoffs. It's just so beautiful.
Did I also mention the Marlies are in the Calder Cup playoffs?! Second time in a row that they've been the champion of their division, also! I'm so excited for them, and I surely need to tell my cable company to broadcast the Marlies games (even though they probably still won't listen to me).
It's playoff time. Spring is coming, and there's unfinished business (see what I did there).
Not that any of you Marlies fans probably care but former Marlies forward Nicolas Deschamps' team, the Hershey Bears, have also locked in the last playoff spot. Congrats Nic and his team!
Playoff time is the best time. It gets your adrenaline rushing and it gets way more competitive rather than the regular season. Let's do this.
This was a short blog today. Yay.
Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/laureennnicole
And my YouTube channel is hurr: http://www.youtube.com/user/laurennicole8223
ARE
GOING
TO
THE
PLAYOFFS
FIRST TIME SINCE 2004, BABY!
Ah, it's amazing being a Leafs fan. Leafs Nation has been waiting a good nine years and now we're in the playoffs. It's just so beautiful.
Did I also mention the Marlies are in the Calder Cup playoffs?! Second time in a row that they've been the champion of their division, also! I'm so excited for them, and I surely need to tell my cable company to broadcast the Marlies games (even though they probably still won't listen to me).
It's playoff time. Spring is coming, and there's unfinished business (see what I did there).
Not that any of you Marlies fans probably care but former Marlies forward Nicolas Deschamps' team, the Hershey Bears, have also locked in the last playoff spot. Congrats Nic and his team!
Playoff time is the best time. It gets your adrenaline rushing and it gets way more competitive rather than the regular season. Let's do this.
This was a short blog today. Yay.
Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/laureennnicole
And my YouTube channel is hurr: http://www.youtube.com/user/laurennicole8223
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
We'll Never Look Back at the Faded Silhouette.
Well, it's springtime in New York.
Being a New Yorker is tough because you never know when snow's gonna hit you in the face. The other day it was snowing. Today it was almost sixty degrees and sunny, or at least where I live it was.
In other news, I recently took a decent selfie.
Just kidding. Next year I'm going to see LNJF, well, it'll be 'The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon' by then, but it's still Jimmy, so I'm REALLY excited. Sweet 16 baby! That's an awesome Sweet 16 present if you ask me!
The other day I met Nicolas Deschamps. For the third time. After the Syracuse/Hershey game. He is rad.
Being a New Yorker is tough because you never know when snow's gonna hit you in the face. The other day it was snowing. Today it was almost sixty degrees and sunny, or at least where I live it was.
In other news, I recently took a decent selfie.
Just kidding. Next year I'm going to see LNJF, well, it'll be 'The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon' by then, but it's still Jimmy, so I'm REALLY excited. Sweet 16 baby! That's an awesome Sweet 16 present if you ask me!
The other day I met Nicolas Deschamps. For the third time. After the Syracuse/Hershey game. He is rad.
Oh, and I also received this edit:
If you can't read what it says, it says "We've come a long way since that day and we will never never look back at the faded silhouette"
I really like this edit that someone sent me because the lyrics and the pictures match up almost perfectly. Those are lyrics from Avicii's song "Silhouettes" and it's one of my favorite songs. The first picture of Nic and I was taken in December of 2011, and the second April 2013 (just a few days ago). I think that the lyrics and pictures match because we both really have come a long way since that day in December 2011. Reasons:
- He's been traded to two different AHL teams since I first met him. Toronto. Hershey.
- In the first picture, I was only about twelve. Or maybe I just turned thirteen. I'm not sure, but I do look pretty young. You guys do the math. Nic is 21 in that picture, I think. I'm not sure. Last time I heard, someone told me he was currently 23.
- In the second picture, I'm fourteen. Like I said, I think Nic is 23, or at least that's what I last heard.
- First picture: Syracuse jersey.
- Second picture: Bears sweatshirt.
- Overall, you can see Nic's also grown up, too. Just compare the pictures. We've both grown up.
Let me tell you guys something. When you're just starting to learn about hockey, and you find a player you really like, and you consider him a role model, an idol, a hero, anything, and you don't know trades can happen, your heart will break. I had no clue Nic was going to be traded from Syracuse when he did. I remember coming home to that news, and it was just awful. I eventually got over it, because life isn't about holding on to a depressing memory, like your role model just abruptly being traded. Life's about never looking back. Never looking back at that faded silhouette. Faded silhouette being the memory that will fade, but will never fade so badly that you'll forget it. You'll always hold on to that memory It's really hard to explain, but I think you guys get it.
Thanks for reading those paragraphs, if you did. I felt like I was typing a paper for English class, but hey, it was fun.
My YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/laurennicole8223
My Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/laureennnicole
Sunday, April 7, 2013
A Simply Beautiful Weekend
Hey guys,
I hope your weekend was great. I know mine was. I was on spring break all this week and it finally gave me a break from all the overwhelming work that goes along with school.
Just Saturday I went to the Hershey Bears vs. Syracuse Crunch game. Before I start discussing this, I'd like to say this:
IF THE BEARS PLAYED LIKE THEY DID SATURDAY ALL SEASON, THEY'D BE ONE OF THE BEST TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE.
Wow. Just wow. I've never seen Hershey play that good of a game as I did Saturday. Well, I've really never seen them play, but shh.
The Bears won 4-1 but the Crunch still got a playoff berth. Bears are in 8th place, or at least the last time I checked they were. They needed to win this game, and they knew that. That's exactly what they did. And by the way, refs, slashing is a penalty. Did you guys forget that? If you have a guy, in this case, Deschamps, who just got slashed by a Syracuse defenceman, and Deschamps goes down, and lays there down on the ice, you aren't going to call a penalty? Bullshit. Luckily, Deschamps got back up, but was practically screaming at the refs to call a penalty. Good job, Desch. I would've done that too. Seriously, though, I saw about four or five penalties that should've been called. I guess the AHL refs are just learning from the NHL refs.
I recently wrote two six-page papers throughout the week for school. That's twelve pages all together. I feel like I can accomplish anything now.
My YouTube (I just recently posted a slideshow video of pictures from the game. Check it out!): http://www.youtube.com/user/laurennicole8223
My Twitter: http://twitter.com/laureennnicole
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
A First Post - Trade Deadline, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Nic the Champ
What is up with the New York Rangers?
At the moment, they are destroying the PITTSBURGH PENGUINS 5-1. What, did the Rangers just decide to suddenly become good because they traded Marian Gaborik? Or, did the Penguins just decide to stop using their penalty kill to their advantage?
I'd also like to take this moment to welcome Ryan O' Byrne to the Maple Leafs. Congrats, buddy, you're playing on the same team as Nazem Kadri. Nazem Kadream. Nifty Mittens. Nazty. Be honored. Bow down to him.
Anywho, NBC recently announced today that Jimmy Fallon would take over Jay Leno's Tonight Show in 2014. Alright Jay, let's not get cocky. Once you leave, you leave. We are not going through the whole Conan deal all over again. Besides, the way you're bashing NBC in your monologues, they'd never want someone like you back. Congrats, Jimjam. You're gonna be an excellent proprietor of the Tonight Show.
Another thing I'd like to bring up is an AHL trade that happened about a month ago. Washington acquired Toronto forward Nicolas Deschamps in exchange for Hershey defenceman Kevin Marshall. First off, who the heck is Kevin Marshall? Some guy who isn't good enough for the Marlies? Well, not exactly. Drafted 41st overall by the Philadelphia Flyers in 2007, Marshall has been playing on the Hershey Bears for two years. This trade was because the Leafs needed more defencemen. As you guys will figure out if you continue to read these articles, yes, Deschamps is my favorite AHL player. It definitely pissed me off to hear that Deschamps got traded yet again (traded from Syracuse to Toronto, 2012) in exchange for an irrelevant Hershey player. But, Deschamps has definitely proven himself in Hershey. In last Saturday's game vs. the Providence Bruins, he scored two goals, giving the Bears a 3-2 win.
I'm a Marlies fan, despite that whole paragraph. I don't bandwagon.
Check out my YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/laurennicole8223
And if you were a cool kid, you'd follow me on twitter: https://twitter.com/laureennnicole
At the moment, they are destroying the PITTSBURGH PENGUINS 5-1. What, did the Rangers just decide to suddenly become good because they traded Marian Gaborik? Or, did the Penguins just decide to stop using their penalty kill to their advantage?
I'd also like to take this moment to welcome Ryan O' Byrne to the Maple Leafs. Congrats, buddy, you're playing on the same team as Nazem Kadri. Nazem Kadream. Nifty Mittens. Nazty. Be honored. Bow down to him.
Anywho, NBC recently announced today that Jimmy Fallon would take over Jay Leno's Tonight Show in 2014. Alright Jay, let's not get cocky. Once you leave, you leave. We are not going through the whole Conan deal all over again. Besides, the way you're bashing NBC in your monologues, they'd never want someone like you back. Congrats, Jimjam. You're gonna be an excellent proprietor of the Tonight Show.
Another thing I'd like to bring up is an AHL trade that happened about a month ago. Washington acquired Toronto forward Nicolas Deschamps in exchange for Hershey defenceman Kevin Marshall. First off, who the heck is Kevin Marshall? Some guy who isn't good enough for the Marlies? Well, not exactly. Drafted 41st overall by the Philadelphia Flyers in 2007, Marshall has been playing on the Hershey Bears for two years. This trade was because the Leafs needed more defencemen. As you guys will figure out if you continue to read these articles, yes, Deschamps is my favorite AHL player. It definitely pissed me off to hear that Deschamps got traded yet again (traded from Syracuse to Toronto, 2012) in exchange for an irrelevant Hershey player. But, Deschamps has definitely proven himself in Hershey. In last Saturday's game vs. the Providence Bruins, he scored two goals, giving the Bears a 3-2 win.
I'm a Marlies fan, despite that whole paragraph. I don't bandwagon.
Check out my YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/laurennicole8223
And if you were a cool kid, you'd follow me on twitter: https://twitter.com/laureennnicole
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